I've Got Low Standards

To the tune of Friends in Low Places

Blame it all my roots
I don’t give a hoot
About his extramarital affairs
Where he might go
Or who he might blow
Or what illegal things he might dare
I can’t be surprised
By all of his lies
‘Cuz we know they’re all just the same
For it’s me and you
They’re going to screw
But I can’t bring myself to complain

For Congressmen I’ve got low standards
I can’t believe a word their mouth utters
No word they say
But that’s okay
All of them are elitist bastards
Making us slaves to government masters
For Congressmen, I’ve got low standards

They cheat on their taxes
And grab women’s asses
So how, can we expect more?
We’ll only get new
Corrupt yahoos
If we show these guys to the door
So the devil we know
Is running the show
And apathy is all I can feel
As they mortgage my
Future in order to pay
For a Roosevelt style New Deal

For Congressmen I’ve got low standards
I can’t believe a word their mouth utters
No word they say
But that’s okay
All of them are elitist bastards
Making us slaves to government masters
For Congressmen, I’ve got low standards

His Vote's Been Sold

To the tune of King of the Road

Want an energy tax increase
But, some reps just were not pleased
So I asked what would it take
To get a yes on cap and trade
Well, how about just 20 mill
For my district in that bill
He’s a man of means with big dreams
His vote’s been sold

The vote’s still one hundred shy
From letting this tax bill fly
So still I work that room
‘Til 99 have met their doom
It’s so long it can’t be read
But we’ll add ear marks til we’re dead
He’s a man of means with big dreams
That vote’s been sold

Citizens have called to complain
But hey those folks are all the same
If they should question what I’ve done
I’ll show the cash I’m bringing home

Want an energy tax increase
But, some reps just were not pleased
So I asked what would it take
To get a yes on cap and trade
Well, how about just 20 mill
For my district in that bill
He’s a man of means with big dreams
His vote’s been sold

For Governor Sandford

I didn't even have to do a parody of a song for this one. There was the perfect song already out there. This is Cheater Cheater by Joey & Rory. If you've never heard this song I highly suggest pulling it up on Itunes.

Cheater cheater where'd you meet her down at ernies bar?
Did she smile your way twirl her hair and say, how cute your dimples are?
Did she use that line 'your place or mine' while you danced with her real slow?
Tell me cheater cheater, where'd you meet that no good white trash ho

Liar liar did you buy her whiskey all night long
Did you hide your ring in the pocket of your jeans or did you just keep it on
When the deed was done an you had your fun did you think i wouldn't know?
Tell me cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho

Now I'm not one to judge someone that I ain't never met
But to lay your hand on a married man's bout as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho

Loser loser hope you love her cause your stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt load up all your stuff and get the hell out of my house
But I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho

Now I'm not one to judge someone that I ain't never met
But to lay your hand on a married man's bout as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that no good white trash ho

Ya I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go
Cheater cheater where'd you meet that lowdown, uptown, slept with every guy around, pressed on eyelash no good white trash ho

I Will Supply

Read to the tune of "I Will Survive"

Whatever it is you need I’ll be there for you
Just vote me into office and I’ll show what I can do
I’ll pay your doctor bills
And erectile dysfunction pills
I will supply, I will supply, yay, yah

Want to own your home, you’ll get a loan
But sorry you’ll just have to pay the mortgage on your own
But if you should default, We’ll just say it’s not your fault
I will supply, I will supply, yay, yay

I’ve you’ve run up credit card debt
I’ll pass some legislation and you will be all set
The guy next door will pay the fee for your spending spree
I’ll just raise his taxes, now see how easy that can be

You know that I, I will supply
I’ll give you everything you want, you know I wouldn’t lie
All the benefits I’ll bring, they won’t cost you a thing

I will supply, I will supply, I’ll supply

Have others made their wealth off your sweaty back
Are you angry that they getting all the things you lack
Let that hate inside you grow, And then take it to the polls
On your own you can’t succeed, so you know that you need me

I’ve you’ve run up credit card debt
I’ll pass some legislation and you will be all set
The guy next door will pay the fee for your spending spree
I’ll just raise his taxes, now see how easy that can be

You know that I, I will supply
I’ll give you everything you want, you know I wouldn’t lie
All the benefits I’ll bring, they won’t cost you a thing
I will supply, I will supply, I will supply

Congress Been Good To Me

(Read to the tune of "Life's Been Good" by the Eagles)

I have 3 houses all paid for by you
Furnished with antiques you paid for too
I help myself to whatever you’ve got
But if you need me, hey, I can be bought

They say I’m corrupt but they’ve yet to indict
Because I head up my own oversight
Congress been good to me so far

I write legislation that nobody can read
I should serve the people but serve my own greed
On those tough issues I won’t take a stand
But come re-election I’ll hold out my hand
I’ll break every promise I ever made you
Then resurrect them on campaign number 2
Can’t think for myself, walk the straight party lines
With what you want, neither party aligns


My campaign fund is my top priority
If you ain't got money then don’t speak to me
Congress been good to me so far

I can do what I want with total impunity
You’re too busy watching reality TV

You may say I suck but you keep voting me in
I’ve robbed you blind but I’ve still yet to begin

Battle Hymn of the Conservatives

Always wonder what the Conservatives were about? Well here's their theme song. Also to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic.

Battle Hymn of the Conservatives

They believe that Reagan was the end all be it all
He convinced the masses that government should be small
Wealth would trickle down and benefit one and all
But Reagan’s dead and gone

Where oh where is their new leader
Where oh where is their new leader
Where oh where is their new leader
For Reagan’s dead and gone

Put Republicans in power what a mess that came to be
They kicked them to the curb and went on a spending spree
They catered to the libs and said to hell with you and me
For Reagan’s dead and gone

(refrain)

They just want to keep the money that they worked for all day long
Paying it in taxes for some reason feels so wrong
They just give it to a loser who just stuffs it in his bong
For Reagan’s dead and gone

(refrain)

They’re the only folks that listen to that old talk radio
Where the hosts will lead them they are all happy to go
To abortion and gay marriage they emphatically say no
But Reagan’s dead and gone

(refrain)

They believe the founding fathers should be risen from their graves
To admonish all Americans on their socialistic ways
And they simply can’t let go of their Reagan glory days
But Reagan’s dead and gone

(refrain)

The Battle Hymn of the Liberals

Want to know what the liberals are all about? Well I've created a theme song for them. Sing it to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic.


Battle Hymn of the Liberals

We believe Obama is the second coming of the Lord
He promised change and redistributing wealth out to the poor
He causes swoons and flutters in the Washington Press Corp
Our agenda marches on

Funny, funny how we fooled ya’
Funny, funny how we fooled ya’
Funny, funny how we fooled ya’
Our agenda marches on

The Constitution does not matter we’ll just toss it to the curb
We’ll claim those accusations we’re socialists are absurd
Dissenters we’ll tag as racists, oh how we love that word
Our agenda marches on

(refrain)

The people may complain but that matters naught to us
They can print signs and send letters and create a major fuss
But we know they’re just a bunch of redneck inbred idiots
Our agenda marches on

(refrain)

If we lose support for movement we just change what they are called
If you knew what we were up to you'd be patently appalled
But we know free market systems need a Congressional overhaul
Our agenda marches on

(refrain)

We promise help to people but do our best to keep them poor
This ensures that they believe that they need us even more
But if you are in trouble don't come knocking on our door
Our agenda marches on

(refrain)